● Leave the Table

You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served. – Nina Simone

As the completion of the marquetry project drew near, it was hard to let go. I thought about the joy and pain of starting however long ago. There was a bit of apprehension.

There was excitement, definitely. But that project, the thing that I was working on, became my friend. What! Maybe it was more than that. It was a part of me while I called it into existence. I gave all that I had to see it through. It taught me more about myself and made me face me. We supported each other through the doubt and through the fear. We both were evolving.

Then, it was the end. There was nothing more to think of. There was nothing more to do but consider it done and leave the wood bench. I was afraid of that.

Leave to grow

Isn’t that true of life? If we are fortunate enough to see our life projects through to the tip of completion, do we suddenly become afraid? In the midst of relief, do we feel dread, loss, and even fear? Sometimes I do.

Why, I ask myself, do I feel this way? Bringing a project to completion once again revealed more of the person, the human, the woman I am. For a moment, I don’t recognize myself. I am not who I was a month, week, or even day ago. I don’t know who this person is! I’ve been transformed. There’s no room for both – all that I was and who I am to be. One of us has to go. One of us has to leave.

In the battle for my mind and my soul, old me – the “just a minute ago” me – wants to stay. After all, the pain from the old habits, repeated errors is familiar and comfortable. Isn’t it? Change, however, flashes ahead. It’s inevitable and I am facing that direction anyway.

Resistance, that selfish mentor, fights for its place and bombards me with commands. Yes, I feel the ache of growth. I sense the danger of losing or winning. Yet, I am wondrously enthralled and eternally curious. Something new is coming. I need to see around the bend. Despite not knowing what, there is a reward in some form. It could be witnessing the end of a project, accomplishing a long held goal, or experiencing a longed for pleasure.

In order to fully charge the feeling, I must get along with the evolved stranger
– this new woman –
– that I am.

I like her.

🌹

Transformation

This is one of my favorite songs about change. It was originally released in 1983 by singer-songwriter Nona Hendryx. The song was redone by jazz drummer, composer, and producer Terri Lyne Carrington for her Mosaic Project in 2011. In it, Nona Hendryx wonderfully reinterprets the song and vocals.

Song one: Transformation (1983).

Song two: Transformation (2011).

________

Baadaye

Shirley J ♥️